At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
It was confusing and full of hummus
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
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I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
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Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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