i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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