I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize