I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
