It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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