I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize