is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
