spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
