Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
