piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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