I wannas sexs uuuuu
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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