Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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