I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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