Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
