I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
