Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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