and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
