Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
