bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
