dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
