Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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