Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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