1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
