did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
