Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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