had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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