I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
