you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
