i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
