Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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