I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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