Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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