Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
