The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
