walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
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I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
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I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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