I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
