The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
