obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Panties = found
Randomize
