the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Come see our sink grown plant.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
