Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
