5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
