Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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