Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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