Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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