I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
