after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
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You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
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it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You're a waste of cheezeits
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.