So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night