just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm