his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
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he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
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I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis