Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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