Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
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The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
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HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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