apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
