Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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