Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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