How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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