I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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