Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
