If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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