I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
