thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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