Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
