dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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