apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
last night I used snow as a chaser
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
