Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"