Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.