mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
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I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
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I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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