peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.