If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
