i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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