don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
