I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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