I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
