Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
